Finding The River by Sally TophamChapter 6 Meditation Meditation and relaxation are often mentioned in the same breath but they are, in fact, subtly different. The main distinction between them is that whilst relaxation is concerned with letting go of tension in mind and body (often resulting in sleep), meditation is about achieving a state of being both relaxed and alert at the same time. It may surprise you to learn that meditation is a perfectly natural practice. Do you ever recall experiencing the peace that comes from contemplating a beautiful view or sunset? Stroking a cat? Feeling the warm sun on your body as you listen to waves lapping on the shore? Iâll bet you do. Well, thatâs a form of meditation. Thatâs what happens when you sink into a deep focus on something. The babbling of the mind subsides and we ease into a more tranquil space within ourselves. Weâve actually been meditating since we were first born. Have you ever offered a finger to a small baby to hold? Have you noticed how, when it grasps the finger in its tiny fist, it seems to be wrapped in the wonder of this new experience? You can see from the look on its face that nothing else matters at that moment. Thatâs meditation! Meditation is all about giving one-pointed focus to something and letting all other extraneous thoughts go. As we grow up, our ability to do this changes. Toddlers might get absorbed in things like a large leaf thatâs blown down from a tree or sailing a toy boat in the bath. As adults we may find weâre brought to a halt by the sight of the gorgeous colours of autumn foliage, or stopped in our tracks by the sight of a squirrel crossing our path. Even though these are only momentary pauses, they are meditations nonetheless. We even do it in completely mundane ways; e.g., making a cup of tea. Yes! I kid you not! Think about that process for a moment. You know exactly how long to mash the teabag and how much milk to add. Youâve honed this action to perfection over the years and when youâre making a cuppa, unless youâre engaged in conversation at the time, you give it your complete focus for a few seconds. Teabag meditation! Looking at the sunsetâsunset meditation! Watching a squirrelâsquirrel meditation! The point Iâm making is that meditation isnât just a man-made technique developed by ancient sages living in caves. Itâs a natural process, just like those Ultradian rhythms I described earlier. But although weâre all born with an built-in ability to experience these meditative moments and can often enjoy them for long periods at a time as children, we tend to lose the knack of it as we grow up. In the same way that a body with stiff joints and muscles needs to exercise to help regain flexibility, so our minds also need exercise to help us get back to that childhood aptitude for blissful one-pointed focus. This is where a deeper, repetitive and more concentrated practise of meditation can help. However, before I introduce you to this practise, letâs look at a few very practical things you need to do before you begin. Creating a Special Place The first thing you need to do before embarking on any kind of meditation is to find a special place in your home that you can always use for this purpose. If youâre lucky enough to have a spare room that can be turned over entirely to this practise, then go ahead and make it into your meditation room. Paint the walls a pale, tranquil shade or a neutral colour, have very little furniture in the room and keep the space as uncluttered as possible. A clear outer space leads to a clearer inner space. (Youâll find out more on this in my chapter on âClutter Clearingâ in Part 2.) If you must have some pictures on the walls, only have a couple and itâs best to choose ones which have a natural or contemplative theme. If youâre following a particular spiritual path, you may wish to place either a picture of your teacher or guru or an icon or representation of your chosen faith somewhere in the room. Alternatively, you might like to create a small altar with flowers, plants, candles, crystals, and any natural objects youâve found, such as beautiful pebbles or feathers. Keep any other ornaments strictly limited to those associated with your meditational practise like tingshas (small cymbals used in Hindu and Buddhist worship), singing bowls, incense holders or bells, etc. Make sure the room is well ventilated and heated and have a blanket or shawl to hand in case you become cold around the shoulders or feet. Choose a chair that suits you best for meditation purposes or put some cushions on the floor for seating. Most of us however donât have the option of converting a room specifically for the practise of meditation, but thatâs not a problem. It can work just as well for you if you take time to choose a corner in your home that feels best for contemplation. You may need to try out several areas before you find your âspotâ. Once youâve found it, use it every time. In doing so, youâll build up a special atmosphere there because the vibrations you produce whilst meditating will get stronger and support you in your practise. Any small ritual you develop in association with meditation becomes grist to the mill in terms of getting you in the right frame of mind and mood. For example, itâs nice to find some incense or joss sticks with a perfume that you like. Enjoy taking a little time to set these up and light them before you start your practise. Candlelight is also helpful (draw the curtains if youâre burning candles during the day so you can benefit from the gentle flickering of their light). Setting up some suitable music can also become part of your âritualâ. There is a lot of meditation music around which many people find helpful, so you could find some CDs that you like. I always recommend the sound of Tibetan bells as background music as they can take people quite quickly into a deeper space within themselves. But itâs all a matter of personal preference. When to Meditate Most people who meditate generally agree that first thing in the morning is the best time because this is when the mind is fresh and uncluttered with events of the day. However, if you find that evenings or afternoons work better for you, then by all means do it then. But if youâre doing it in the evening, itâs best to do it before eating, as weâre more prone to the possibility of falling asleep after a meal! The important thing is to try and establish a routine for meditating so that youâll be doing it each day at roughly the same time. This helps to get the body and mind into the habit of it. Once youâve been practising for a while, you may well find thereâs a sense of something missing in your day if you havenât meditated. Sitting Positions Youâre going to be meditating for about 15 to 20 minutes so itâs really important to choose a position thatâs comfortable! Thereâs no point whatsoever in causing yourself unnecessary pain and discomfort because it will only get in the way of your concentration! When you sit, itâs important to keep your shoulders back with your spine straight and your head erect and centrally placed between your shoulders. Avoid leaning backwards against cushions or slouching forward with your head drooping down. An upright posture helps to maintain a state of alertness. If youâre supple enough to sit in the full lotus position (see Figure 1A The Full Lotus Pose), then go ahead. Otherwise either sit in the half lotus (see Figure 1B The Half Lotus) or cross-legged position (see Figure 1C The Cross Legged Pose). If either of these poses are uncomfortable, you may find it easier to kneel on some cushions, with one big or a couple of small cushions tucked in underneath your bottom (see Figure 1D The Kneeling Pose)or use one of the kneeling meditation stools that are available. If none of this works for you, then sit in a chair and place both feet firmly on the ground. Place your palms on your knees, or fold your hands in your lap. The first technique Iâm going to teach you is called âFollowing the Breathâ (Exercise 14: Following the Breath). This particular meditation helps us develop mindfulness, which is about becoming more aware of whatâs happening both within and outside of ourselves. Itâs also about living in the present moment. Learning to stay in the ânowâ can alleviate worry and anxiety, improve your concentration and help you to be more open and receptive. It will also help you enjoy those sunset, squirrel and tea bag meditations for longer! In this meditation youâre going to focus on your breath and try to let all other thoughts go. When your attention wanders (as it will!), simply acknowledge this has happened and firmly and gently bring your focus back again into your breathing process. This may happen many times, but donât worry! The mind is like a butterfly and flits from one thought and idea to another. What weâre doing in this meditation is teaching it how to quiet down. It takes time to do this and some days are easier than others. Jack Kornfield, who is a well-known Buddhist teacher, psychologist and meditation master, says that the mind behaves like a puppy that is all over the place and into everything. Thatâs a very good description! So, be as kind and good humoured with your wandering mind as you would be if you were training a puppy! Please note: when I talk about âa breathâ in this meditation, I mean one cycle of breath; i.e., one in-breath followed by one out-breath. Exercise 14: Following the Breath Take the phone off the hook, close the door to any animals, and tell anyone youâre living with that you want to be left undisturbed for 15 to 20 minutes. You might like to have a clock or a watch with you so you can check when you need to stop. Alternatively, set the alarm on your mobile to indicate when time is up. Put on your meditation music if you need it. Light your candles and your incense. Make sure youâre comfortable and warm. Sit quietly in your chosen place and position. Close your eyes and bring your attention into your breathing process. Notice how your breath passes in and out of your nostrils. Be aware of any sounds you make when you breathe through your nose. Stay with this for ten breaths. (Remember, if your mind wanders, just acknowledge that itâs happened and come back to focussing on your breathing again.) Now bring your attention downwards to the rise and fall of your chest. This automatic movement comes with each breath and is happening every moment of our lives even though weâre rarely conscious of it. Observe this process for ten breaths. Then bring your focus to the motion of the ribs swinging in and outâand give absolute attention to that for ten breaths. Next, shift your concentration to the way the diaphragm pushes outwards and then pulls back when you breathe. Observe that for 10 breaths. Finally, bring your awareness to the movement of your lower abdomen. Notice how it seems to open and close a little as it moves with each breathâand give your concentration to that for ten breaths. Once youâve completed this section, youâre now free to focus on only one aspect of the breathing process (e.g., the passage of air through the nostrils, or the rise and fall of the chest, etc.), and stay focussed on that for the rest of your meditation time. Remember to bring your mind back to your breathing whenever it wanders! When youâve finished, keep your eyes closed and become aware of your whole body. Feel the contact between your body and the chair or cushions you are sitting on. Notice the support and feel of any cushions you have propped up behind your back. If youâre in a chair, be aware of the contact between your feet and the floor. Notice the feel of the carpet or floorboards beneath your feet. Now give attention to the sounds in the roomâthe ticking of a clock, the creak of floorboards or noises from the rooms above. Become aware of sounds outside of the roomâtraffic, horns, peopleâs voices or footsteps. Finally, slowly and gently open your eyes and come back fully into the room. Stay sitting quietly for a while. Then notice how youâre feeling, before standing up and getting on with your day. Repeat this every day at the same time, if possible. After youâve done this meditation for a week or so, instead of going through all the aspects of your breathing process as above, you can go straight to focussing on only one part of it. Be sure to follow your breath for the full 15 to 20 minute meditation and remember to bring your mind back into focus when it gets hooked into something. You may find your breathing slows naturally during this meditation. Thatâs fine if it happens. At no point should you actually try to change the rhythm of your natural breathing. With practise, you might feel youâre able to extend your meditation time from 15 to 20 minutes into, say, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or longer. Itâs up to you. Donât push yourself into this if it doesnât feel right. Build up the time gradually if you want to sit for longer. When youâve been doing this kind of meditation for a while, you may find you see colours, images or shapes. You might also become aware of a kind of light humming sound in your ears, which simply means youâre hearing the sound of your own vibrations. This is all perfectly normal, so donât worry. (And donât worry if you donât notice any of these things!) Weâre all different and unique in the way we experience our meditations. Whatever you encounter, just observe it, acknowledge it and let it go as if watching clouds passing across the sky. This meditation is helpful in bringing about a sense of inner one-ness, developing sharper clarity and perception and, most of all, for giving you that essential space to âpress the pause buttonâ each day. A lot of people find it hard to maintain focus when they meditate. This is because of that puppy-dog mind, chasing around after everything it finds! Donât worryâit gets better the more you practise, but there is a traditional yoga technique for focussing and meditation which is very calming and it can help you with this. Itâs called Tratak (Exercise 15). Exercise 15: Tratak For this exercise, youâre going to need a candle and a candlestick, and a low table where you can place the candle so the flame is on a level with your eyes when you sit down. Having it on the same level as your eyes is very important, so you might need to experiment with where youâre going to sit to ensure youâre in the right position. Make sure that the place youâve chosen is quiet and that youâll be undisturbed for the next 15 to 20 minutes. Donât sit anywhere thereâs going to be a draught and have a shawl close by to keep you warm if you feel you need it. Choose a meditation posture which isnât difficult. You donât want to be distracted by an uncomfortable body while youâre doing this! When youâre settled and ready to begin, close your eyes and spend a few moments following your breath as per the previous exercise. Now, open your eyes and gaze at the flame for a few seconds and then close your eyes again. Try to keep the image of the flame in your mindâs eye as clearly as you can. Visualise its brightness, the shape of it, and the size of its âhaloâ (the glowing circle around the flame). Whenever the image fades (as it will), open your eyes and repeat the whole process of gazing at the flame for a few seconds before closing your eyes again. Keep doing this as many times as feels comfortable. When thoughts intrude, just acknowledge them and bring your attention back into gazing at the flame. Do this exercise fairly frequently in the early days of meditation. It will help your concentration and ability to visualise. When youâve been practising it for a while, you should find you donât have to stare at the flame for too long before you can hold its image in your mind. Eventually, youâll be able to conjure the image of a flame without sitting in front of a candle. This exercise should also help you to find some more stillness inside. The final meditation technique Iâm going to introduce you to is another mindfulness practise, but this is a walking meditation (Exercise 16: Walking Meditation). Moving meditations are often more appealing for those of us who tend to be busy, busy, busy all the time doing two or more things at once; e.g., watching TV or reading while you eat or checking your emails while youâre on the phone! You do this meditation with your eyes open and itâs a great way of being active and calming the mind at the same time. Once youâve got the hang of it, it can be beautifully combined with walking in Nature and allowing some fresh air to fill your lungs. Exercise 16: Walking Meditation Find a space in your home or garden where you can walk back and forth unobstructed for about 10 to 15 steps. Clear a space in a room in order to do this if necessary. You can walk in a continuous circle if itâs easier, but donât make the circle too small otherwise you might end up feeling a bit dizzy! Do whatever is easiest according to the space you have available. Start by taking off your shoes and standing quietly with your arms hanging loosely at your sides. Bring your focus into your breathing for a few moments (see Exercise 14: Following the Breath) to help centre yourself. Then turn your attention down into the soles of your feet and really feel the connection between the feet and the floor. Allow your feet and toes to stretch out completely so that the whole of the foot is connected to the ground. This stimulates all your nerves, arteries and meridians or subtle energy pathways (more about these in Part 2.) Notice the texture of the floor or the surface beneath you. Feel the weight of your body being taken by the soles of your feet. Allow that. Become aware of how the floor is supporting the entire weight of your body. Allow that, too. You may find that your body feels heavier when you do this. Thatâs good! It means youâre relaxing and grounding. Stay with this sensation for a few moments. When you feel ready, bring your hands together in front of you and fold them over your diaphragm. Direct your gaze downwards to a few feet in front of you. Now, start to walk as though you were in slow motion. Very slowly, prise one foot off the ground and place it with great focus in front of the other. Then do the same with the other foot. Keep doing this and move v-e-r-y slowly! Whilst walking, bring all of your attention into the feeling and movements of your feet and toes. You may find that youâre walking with a slightly rolling motion from side to side and feel a bit wobbly at first. Just as you did in the previous meditation, when thoughts arise (as they will!), simply notice and acknowledge them and then bring your attention back into your slow walking. Again, you may have to do this many times, but thatâs OK. Just remember youâre training the puppy! Do this meditation for about 15 to 20 minutes for 3 or 4 days. Practise in the confines of your home or garden to get used to the idea of focussing on your feet. Little by little, you can allow yourself to walk a tiny bit faster until youâre less âslow motionâ and more âslow walkingâ. Then you can try putting on your shoes and going out into the local park or countryside and doing it. Put your hands in your pockets and walk slowly and with great awareness in your feet for as long as you can. Never allow yourself to speed up to your normal pace of walking. As with the previous meditation, you can build up the time you spend on this and make it longer if you wish. It brings the same benefits as âFollowing the Breathâ. By the way, if you find you like doing a moving meditation, you might be interested in looking for some local Qi Gong or Tai Chi classes, as these practises are also forms of moving meditation. They are equally calming and beneficial for your health. Troubleshooting Sleepiness: If you find youâre getting sleepy during the sitting meditation and dropping off, try opening your eyes a little and directing your gaze downwards to a place a few feet in front of you. Then continue with your mediation. If this doesnât help, try switching to the Walking Meditation. Restlessness: This is often linked with boredom or a sense that ânothing is happeningâ. The mind jumps around and keeps pulling you away from your focus. Just acknowledge it and then bring your focus back to your breathing or walking. Aversion: This is when you find pressing things to do that you tell yourself are far more important than your meditation practise. Everyone goes through this from time to time, including me! Be aware of whatâs happening and recognise it for what it is. Try coaxing yourself back into it by telling yourself youâll only sit or walk for 5 minutes. You may find youâre able to extend this time once you get started. Remember: cultivate a benign and kindly attitude towards yourself. Be patient. Doing this for yourself will also help with your attitude towards others! Donât worry if you think youâre not making any progress or that itâs not working. Meditation isnât a technique that magically blanks out the mind and takes you straight into profound contemplation! It canât be measured in the way that youâd measure exercising where persistent practise visibly shows a greater suppleness and you can actually feel a build-up in strength. No such markers exist with meditation practise. As Jack Kornfield says, âMeditation has its seasons,â so be prepared to experience changeable weather! When you meditate you become very aware of how your mind attaches itself to various things. It is constantly butterflying from one thought to another. If youâre troubled and distressed youâll notice the mind will intrude with endless thoughts about the issues in hand. Happy thoughts can also be an intrusion! This is perfectly normal. Again, acknowledge the thoughts and return to focus on your breathing. Bringing the mind back is like calling a puppy to heel. Finally, if these meditations lead you towards wanting to deepen your practise, see if you can find some meditation classes in your area. Itâs really helpful to have a teacher in the early days and itâs also very encouraging to meditate in a class with others (see Resources and Suggested Reading at the back of the book).
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