Finding The River by Sally Topham

Chapter 5

Relaxation and Pacing

With all the pressure and stresses of the culture we live in, it’s really important to try to find time for regular relaxation. In this chapter I will tell you about some methods to relax which I’ve found to be particularly effective.

When I talk about relaxing, I don’t mean collapsing into an exhausted heap at the end of a day. Nor do I mean resorting to the aid of alcohol or other substances to help you wind down. I’m talking about natural ways to relax and pace yourself so you can ride the challenges better, feel more balanced and still have some energy reserves.

Some people find it very hard to relax and feel compelled to keep driving themselves from one activity to the next. Believe me, we are not designed to go through life without regular periods of relaxation each day.

Just like everything in Nature, we have cycles which our bodies automatically follow even though we aren’t necessarily aware of them. In the same way that Nature is subject to particular rhythms, like the monthly phases of the moon and the times when the animal kingdom follows feeding, breeding and resting cycles, we too have rhythms which ebb and flow within us. The Circadian Rhythm happens once a day and tells us when it’s time to get up or go to sleep. The Ultradian Rhythm happens more than once a day and influences our energy and concentration levels. The Infradian Rhythm, which lasts longer than a day, affects things like menstrual cycles and our response to the changing seasons.

The Ultradian Rhythm is incredibly useful regarding relaxation because it gives us a unique and personal tempo to follow in terms of pacing and resting ourselves each day. Once we’ve learnt to tune into it, it can show us when we’re naturally ready to be active and when we need to rest.

So what is this Ultradian Rhythm?

It’s a natural rhythm that supports alertness and activity for a period of between 90 to 120 minutes followed by a resting period lasting around 10 to 20 minutes that repeats itself all through our waking day. During the active cycles, our mental and physical abilities are functioning well, but during the resting periods, we’re less able to concentrate and may start feeling a bit dreamier or even sleepy. Often, when these energy dips come, we resort to having a cup of tea or coffee, or smoking a cigarette in order help us continue working.

The trick is not to do this! If we can listen to our bodies and follow this rhythm, we can become more efficient and productive during our active periods. This is Nature’s own way of helping us to pace ourselves.

Ernest Rossi, who pioneered much of the research into this area, named the process of flowing with this rhythm “The Ultradian Healing Response”. I call it simply: “Natural Pacing and Relaxation”.

How do we work with it?

Basically, towards the end of the active cycle, the body gives us numerous cues which signify that it needs a break. These signals indicate depleted energy reserves and should be heeded because otherwise it can lead to what Rossi calls “The Ultradian Stress Syndrome”. You’ll know if you’re heading for this state because you’ll start getting more tired, lose focus, get irritable, make mistakes and be more prone to having accidents.

Does that sound familiar?

Ignoring these signals and shrugging off the need for a break means that the body starts getting flooded with stress hormones—and you know what they can do! Paradoxically, at this point, if you carry on pushing yourself instead of taking a rest, you’ll get an energy surge or second wind that makes you feel like you don’t need a break. Don’t be fooled by this! What’s actually happening is that you’re experiencing an adrenaline high. This simply masks the tiredness, over-rides the lack of concentration and leaves you feeling completely wiped out later. If you make a habit of doing this, you’ll end up in full Ultradian Stress Syndrome that causes you to become hyperactive, manic, irritable, angry, rude, unsympathetic and selfish. Other people will notice this happening much more quickly than you!! It’s pure workaholic behaviour and I’m sure you’ve all met a few people who either get themselves easily into this state or appear to live in it most of the time!

So what do we have to do? It’s very simple. Just watch out for the following:

• Yawning or sighing

• Needing to move or stretch your body

• Noticing tension and aches in your body along with a feeling of tiredness

• Hesitating, putting things off or not feeling able to continue working

• Needing to urinate

• Feeling hungry

• Your mind wanders, you forget words, you lose concentration

• Making mistakes and getting careless

• Feeling low or depressed and emotionally vulnerable

• Getting distracted by fantasies

As soon as you notice one or more of the above, you need to stop what you are doing and take 10 to 20 minutes time out (Exercise 10). Your body will then re-balance and re-boot. Afterward your energy perks up and you’ll feel fresher, clearer and able to continue working.

A few tips before trying this method:

• Commit yourself to a seven-day trial of it before you decide if it’s for you or not.

• Keep a daily note of when you get up and notice what times you’re getting the cues to stop. This way, you begin to familiarise yourself with your personal rhythms.

• Once you’ve identified your Ultradians, it’s easier to follow them without much effort and simply respond to your body’s needs. You’ll find that with practise you’ll get better and better at taking these breaks so they fit in seamlessly with your lifestyle or job.

Exercise 10: Natural Pacing and Relaxation

Once you notice any of the signs I listed previously, stop whatever you’re doing.

Go and sit down in a space where you can be quiet and alone. Bring your focus to the automatic process of breathing in and out. This is a good way of slowing down. Notice which part of your body feels most comfortable, allow yourself to sink into that area and let that feeling of comfort spread into the rest of your body.

You don’t have to do anything else!

If you tend to be very mentally active (i.e., mostly tuned into left-brained linear, logical thought processes), at this stage, you’re likely to become aware of your racing thoughts or anxieties about things to do. Don’t worry! Just notice this happening and keep bringing your attention back into that comfort area and enjoying its soothing quality. The more you practise this, the better you’ll become at detaching from what’s going on mentally.

On the other hand, if you’re more right-brained (i.e., an artistic-intuitive person), you might find yourself floating into a limbo-land where there aren’t many thoughts or feelings.

Either way is fine. What’s happening when you do this is that you’re handing over control to the body instead of letting the mind rule. After a short while, you may find yourself becoming sleepy. If so, allow yourself to doze off a little if you want.

You’ll naturally remain in this state for between 10 to 20 minutes. The length of time varies according to the individual, and you’ll need to practise this exercise a number of times to get a feel of how long you need personally. The active cycle of your body’s rhythms naturally kicks back in again after about 10 to 20 minutes, signalling that the resting period is finished for now. When this happens, open your eyes and maybe stretch a little or take a couple of deep breaths. Enjoy re-establishing contact with the room you are in and your normal waking state. Notice how rested and good you feel. Return to whatever you were doing before and be alert for the next set of signals your body will give.

Carry on following your rhythms for the rest of your working day. Get into the habit of doing this on a daily basis and you’ll soon notice the difference!

Exercise 10 is derived from Ernest Rossi’s book The 20-Minute Break.

You can use this technique to help you in many other ways such as regulating your diet and weight, improving your sex life, and increasing vitality and focus in senior citizens. If you’d like to find out more about working your Ultradian rhythms or about Ernest Rossi’s other books, you’ll find details in the Further Information and Suggested Readingsections at the back of this book.

I can hear you protesting already that you’re much too busy to take time out several times a day to do this exercise! You may believe that if you didn’t keep going nothing would ever get done or that because you have a family, there’s never any time for rest and relaxation!

I totally understand that it’s harder for some of us to take time out and relax. This may be because you are in the habit of never letting up or because your job doesn’t give you the freedom to take breaks when you need them—or whatever. I also appreciate that at times there simply isn’t the opportunity to have a break when you need it because you’re going through one of those nightmare days when there’s too much to do and not enough time to do it!

In these and other circumstances, you might like to try an alternative version of the above exercise that I call “Basic Pacing” (see Exercise 11: Basic Pacing). In this exercise you leave out the relaxation bit. Instead, you keep changing the tempo of your activities to coincide with the active–resting rhythms already described. It’s not as beneficial for you as Exercise 10: Natural Pacing and Relaxation, but it will help you work at a pace that is more natural and therefore less stressful.

It’s very important when you’re using Exercise 11: Basic Pacing to avoid certain activities when changing from sedentary or desk-bound work to something more active. “The key to turning these activities into meaningful ultradian healing breaks…is to avoid doing anything difficult, strongly goal-directed, or requiring concentration…(for example) strenuous exercise, self-improvement tasks, programme or rushed activities, highly directive mind work, operating machinery, time pressure tasks, decision making and new creative work” (From The 20-Minute Break by Ernest Rossi).

Exercise 11: Basic Pacing

Watch out for your energy dip signals (page 35).

Get used to monitoring your rhythms and make a note of when they happen.

When you notice the cues for rest, stop what you’re doing and switch activities for 10 to 20 minutes. (With practise, you’ll know how long you need personally.)

Rule of Thumb:

• If you’ve been sedentary, get up and move.

• If you’ve been active—sit down or slow down!

• If you are working on a computer, you must get up and move away from it.

Sitting for hours on end in front of a screen:

• is bad for your eyes

• causes your mind to race

• gives you a higher exposure to electro-magnetic pollution

Working on a computer means you are simultaneously sedentary and mentally active during your 90 to 120 minute cycles of natural activity time! When you take a break from your computer, get up and move but make sure your alternative activities allow you to move your body and rest or de-focus your mind (e.g., take a gentle walk round the block, water the plants, do some photocopying, load the washing machine, or do some light housework, etc.).

Exercise 11 is derived from Ernest Rossi’s book The 20-Minute Break.

One final point: if you feel guilty or anxious at the idea of doing either Exercise 10: Natural Pacing and Relaxation or Exercise 11: Basic Pacing, or if you consider you will be wasting your time by doing any form of relaxation, check out Chapters 12 and 13 in Part 2. There you will find details of how to use Emotional Freedom Technique and EmoTrance. Either of these techniques will help you to dissolve your anxiety or resistance to driving yourself so hard. Once you’ve dealt with this problem, you should feel able to let yourself relax every now and again.

Another way of getting some relaxation in a busy day is to learn to take a short rest period called a Power Nap (Exercise 12). This nap lasts no longer than 30 minutes and you can choose how long you make it according to how much time you can allow in any one day. You only take this break once and a good time to do it is just after lunch. Most people become tired in the afternoon even if they’ve had 8 hours sleep the night before. Research has shown that 20 to 30 minutes of additional sleep after lunch provides more rest than an extra half hour taken in the morning.

You may have found in the past that sleeping in the afternoon makes you wake up feeling even more tired. This is because you’ve allowed yourself to sleep for more than half an hour. What has happened is that you’ve sunk into a deeper level of sleep which makes waking harder and causes you to feel groggy afterwards. As long as you don’t take more than 30 minutes for your Power Nap you’ll remain in a light sleep and wake up feeling relaxed, refreshed and invigorated.

Exercise 12: The Power Nap

Find a place where you can do this without interruption for at least 10 minutes but no more than 30 minutes. You may wish at first to set an alarm to ensure you come out of it after a set period of time. If you do this, make sure it isn’t an alarm that’s shrill and going to give you a fright when you hear it! (Most mobile phones have got an alarm on them so you could use that.) If you want to plug yourself into some gentle soothing music while you’re doing it—Classical, New Age, Meditation or Ambient Zero-Beat Music—to help with the relaxation process, then by all means do so, but keep the volume soft.

Sit in a comfortable chair with a head rest or lie down on the sofa or the bed or on some cushions on the floor. Close your eyes. Start noticing your breathing and spend a few moments observing the process of breathing in and out. Notice which part of your body feels most comfortable (it’s often the lower abdomen), and imagine yourself sinking into that area. Imagine you’re in an elevator which is taking you down from the top floor (your head) to your belly (the basement). Imagine the energies of your brain sinking down as if drawn by gravity. As this happens, your breathing should automatically start slowing down.

If thoughts come, just let them. That’s what thoughts do. They tumble one upon another. Observe this and don’t get hooked into any of them. Just watch for the next thought and allow it to pass though and out. Your mind is simply letting go of information. Don’t worry—you’ll be able to retrieve that information later if you think you need it.

If there’s any tension in your neck and shoulders, imagine it dissolving and sinking down to your lower stomach. Check to see if there’s any tension in your abdomen and do the same.

Keep a gentle awareness on your breath and in a short while, you may find yourself beginning to dream or fall into a conscious slumber. If you want, at this point you can bring to mind some of those comforting images of being out in Nature that you explored in Exercise 1: The Magic of Memory and Imagination and Exercise 2: Creating a Safe Place Within Yourself.

Stay in this place of relaxation until either your alarm goes off or you awaken naturally after 10 to 30 minutes. Then open your eyes, take a few breaths and stretch gently. Within a minute or two you’ll be wide awake again and feeling the benefits of this relaxation.

My final suggestion for relaxation is Exercise 13, which takes around 20 to 30 minutes. It’s a technique I learnt a long time ago that I’ve always found to be very effective. It can be done at any time of the day but it’s best to do it when you’re not pushed for time. You can do it at night and go to sleep in it if you like. It’s called The Blue Mist.

Exercise 13: The Blue Mist

Find a comfortable place to lie down that is warm and free from draughts. Your bed is probably the best place, but there’s no harm in doing this on some cushions on the floor. If your sofa isn’t long enough to stretch out on properly, don’t use it because it’s easy to end up lying in an awkward position. If it helps, put on some soft, gentle music, but don’t have it too loud.

Cover yourself with a light throw and lie on your back with a cushion behind your head. Bring your attention into your breathing, noticing your in breath and your out breath. Keep focussing on your breathing for about ten breaths.

Imagine the most beautiful blue colour—the colour blue that appeals to you most of all. Imagine it’s like a mist or like the dry ice that’s often used on TV pop shows to give the effect of swirls of mist covering the floor of the stage and wafting around the feet of the singers.

Imagine this blue mist being the comfortable temperature of a warm breeze that is totally benign and utterly soothing. And as you think about it, imagine it entering your body through the soles of your feet.

Visualise it slowly drifting up through your legs and into your thighs and buttocks. Imagine it swirling up through your abdomen, into your chest and up to your shoulders. Imagine it drifting down into your arms and fingers. See it moving up through your neck and into your head. You are now totally filled with this beautiful blue mist.

Let your mind scan your body to check that the blue mist has filled every single nook and cranny. If you notice any gaps, send some more blue mist in there. Keep your awareness on the mist and imagine it slowly permeating every bone, muscle and fibre, every cell, every organ in your body. There is no part of you that isn’t filled with this beautiful blue mist. Enjoy the idea of this healing mist circulating freely through your body. Imagine it’s melting away all the tension, all the anxieties, all the aches and pains. This mist is healing and relaxing. Allow it to flow through you and if you find you’re getting a bit sleepy, let yourself nod off.

If you don’t get drowsy, then stay in the relaxed state generated by this exercise for about 20 to 30 minutes. Then come back, open your eyes, stretch and very slowly, get up.

If you find it hard to visualise, try to get a sense of the feel of this mist instead.

You may find that mixing and matching Exercise 10: Natural Pacing and Relaxation, Exercise 11: Basic Pacing, Exercise 12: The Power Nap, and Exercise 13: The Blue Mist suits you better than sticking rigidly to one or the other. You might find that doing Natural Pacing and Relaxation mixed in with the Basic Pacing works better for you according to the pressures of the day. Or you might prefer to do Basic Pacing and one Power Nap each day. Or try Natural Pacing and Relaxation most days and Blue Mist at weekends.

It’s up to you. Try all of them to see what works best for you.

By the way, I could not have written this book without doing the pacing and relaxing exercises for myself! Trying to fit in time to write during busy working days isn’t easy and the temptation is always there to push yourself too hard in an effort to get more done. But it never works that way.

Tune into your natural rhythms and flow with them. Trust me! It’ll make the world of difference!