Give Your Love Life A Makeover! By Sandra Hillawi

Clear Out The Garbage

What happens if we don’t clear away the garbage every day, every week? Instead of our home being clear and fresh the rubbish piles up and starts to impact on our daily lives, getting in the way, looking ugly, getting on our nerves and annoying everyone else in the house. Left long enough it could even take over and we have to tip toe around it so as to avoid it. Soon the whole house can become stagnant with no energy able to circulate freely through.

The same can be said of our relationships. Little things we say and do, words said in anger, in frustration, in moments of stress, moments of lack of consideration, if held on to start to pile up and cause resentment and irritation. They get in the way of our connection. We feel it inside, a pressure in the chest or head, stopping the flow of love. Maybe you had a big dose of life and there have been some big events to deal with that took their toll, and you didn’t fully recover from that yet, so this is effecting your love connection. You feel it in your heart, you feel it in your stomach, in your throat. Where there was love, a wonderful warm glow and flow in your body, now there is tension, pressure and even pain when you think of the old distressing memories.

All this is relationship garbage. Its time to let it all go. To clear it all out, freshen up your relationship. Just like you get new energy flowing through the house when you have a good clear out, it’s the same for your relationship. But though we know how to physically take out the rubbish to clear some space in the house, how do we actually clear out the old build ups and accumulations and the past from our hearts and minds? We need some new tools.

Transforming Emotional Energy – Think “Soften and Flow” and Let it Go

In our relationships and with our human spirit we are talking about emotional and energetic build up and pressure. We feel painful emotions as blocked energy in our body. When we get mad, it’s a pressure in the head, neck or chest. When are hurting, it’s a pain in the heart. When are worried, its in the stomach or the head. This is the energy we need to clear out. We need to open the energy release valves and just allow the energy to flow out. How? It’s so simple.

First we need to pay some attention to where the energy blockage is located. Then we remind ourselves of our discovery that ’it’s all energy’ and we think of it ’softening and flowing and releasing’. And amazingly… it does!! We feel its spreading out and flowing through teh body as a light wave.  Once the energy has released, we are now both physically relaxed and emotionally free of whatever that was. This soften and flow technique is called EMO, for transforming emotional energy.

Start with the Big Stuff

So lets get started. What can we clear that would make the biggest impact and relief when its gone? What are you holding onto from the past? Where is this pressure or pain in your body when you remember this event and what happened? This is where your energy is blocked. This is what we need to release and let go.

So think of what happened, what was said and done. Feel the discomfort, the energy block inside us. We ‘think’ soften and flow . The energy obeys and we feel it release and we let it go as a gentle relaxation through the body, a yawn, a coolness or tingling. It’s as simple as that. Though just like when you get a new appliance at home, you need to learn how to use it, so you have a practice a little to get the hang of this. Then you are sailing.

So when you have cleared out the energy of the big things you’ve been holding onto, lets turn to all the little things that have been accumulating. Make a list. Start with the first one. When you think of that, notice where the feeling of blockage is inside you? Where do you feel the discomfort, pain, pressure? With your new energy clearing tools, think ‘soften and flow’ and let it all go.

Having cleared out all the old hurts and resentments notice how when you think about your partner now you already feel so much lighter and fresher.

NOTE : you can do EMO to soften and flow alone, but its even better if you do it with a friend or an ET Relationships Consultant. For more directions on the technique, you can get more help in The Love Clinic.

Next Strip the Old Wallpaper

What we surround ourselves with, what we look at, absorb and reinforce every day, can be directly and indirectly effecting our mood our behaviour and therefore our relationship. We get used to these old patterns and accept them as normal. We may not be aware but our thought patterns and beliefs about our relationship, about ourselves, about how life is, about what’s possible can be limiting us. As simply as we can change the wallpaper we can change our beliefs.

So lets have a look at your thinking and beliefs about :

1. Yourself

Are any of these old patterns hanging around? I’m too old; I’m too fat; I hate my body; I’m too set in my ways; It’s too late to change; Passion died long ago and its buried and gone; I’m no longer attractive.

2. Your partner

What is your thinking about your partner? Yep, the passion has gone; He doesn’t pay me attention anymore; He doesn’t find me attractive now I gained a bit of weight; He’s always so tired; He doesn’t bring me flowers and chocolates anymore; She doesn’t kiss me when I come in or go out anymore; I can’t stand her moaning; He’s a grumpy old thing; His tone of voice really annoys me; That thing he does drives me crazy.

3. Your relationship

Again notice if you have any of these thoughts playing in your head. Too much has happened its too late for us; Romance? It’s a thing of the past? We talk about superficial things but we don’t talk about anything that matters. The last time we had a heart to heart was years ago.

If you have any of this old wallpaper hanging around, it should be stripped down and replaced with something newer and brighter and energising.

First the clear out. Again, each of these thought patterns and beliefs are internal energy blocks, stopping the flow of life and love through our spirit. So let’s use our new EMO ‘soften and flow’ transformation tools for these blocks too.

For example, that behaviour he does? When he does that, where does it cause a problem for you? Where is that discomfort in your body? That’s YOUR internal energy block causing your persistent thought patterns that needs clearing out. So…pay attention, think ‘soften and flow’ and let that energy go, feel it release through your body and out. Then notice how that same old behaviour of your partner’s doesn’t effect you quite so much now. Notice how much more tolerant you have become, and how much nicer YOU are to be around and how much your partner will appreciate the absence of your old irritated remarks and digs and angry words.

Think what thought patterns apply to you. Make a list. Take them one by one, think about it, feel the disturbance in your body, focus, soften and flow and let it go.

As you make progress clearing out your old thought patterns, just contemplate and reflect on how the dynamic of your relationship is changing as you are changing your thoughts and beliefs and how your partner is changing before your eyes. From the irritating uninteresting unappealing person they once were to the now more easy to be with, attractive and interesting person. Yet, they have done nothing to change. The change has all been within you.

Get Some New Ideas

So now we are ready to get some new ideas into our relationship.

How about a new you?

How about a you that feels confident, attractive, desirable, radiant and happy? What impact would that have on your relationship? This reality is closer than you think. In fact it’s just on the other side of removing a few more inner obstacles.

When you think how attractive you are? How do you feel about that? And where do you feel that discomfort and block in your body? Now we know the routine. Focus, soften and flow, let it go. Do that again and again and again until you’ve removed all the blocks to feeling really attractive.

We are all looking for appreciation from others to feel good inside. When we are appreciated and loved we glow and are radiant and happy. We are nice to be around. But did you know that you can direct appreciation and love to yourself, from yourself to feed yourself so you are less dependent on your partner as a source of your feeling good. Place your hands on the place you feel is the heart of you and tell yourself just how wonderful you are. Do it. Say “ you are so wonderful and I love you!” Take some time to tell yourself how much you recognise all your qualities and achievements and really take that into your own heart and let it feed you deeply. This simple heart healing and heart nourishing exercise is a way we can start to love our self more. It’s important therefore to take as much time as you need for this, and to make it a regular practice until you start to feel more nourished, strong, flowing loving and radiant from within.

Let Some Light In

We all benefit from sunshine. It makes us feel good. When you start loving yourself, you are giving yourself sunshine and you start to radiate. Lets think how we can bring some sunshine into our relationship, to feed our partner and help them to feel good.

Pay attention

When was the last time you really looked at your partner, when you really took in and absorbed the person, the human being that they are, the life they have lived and their trials and tribulations? Take some time to do that and do it more often noticing who they are and what is going on in their life for them.

Open hearted listening

When listening, give all your attention. Listen with an open heart, absorb what they are saying and feeling. Don’t interrupt. If that’s not easy or uncomfortable to do, then you have some internal blocks again. Notice where in the body you feel that discomfort. Pay attention, soften and flow and let your own energy blocks go. Then see how much easier it is to now listen openly to your partner.

Recognition and appreciation

What we all need is recognition of who we are, our qualities, our contribution, our actions. We need to be recognised and appreciated. Give this to your partner. Tell your partner what you appreciate about them. Find something about them that you can recognise and appreciate each day. Let it come from your heart. Just like a great meal will satisfy the stomach, this food will satisfy and feed the heart.

Feeding the heart

How do you really feel now all that old garbage is gone your old thought patterns are cleared out and you can see your partner more clearly for who they are? Think of ways that you can tell them and show them.

In Words What can you say and how can you deliver this message creatively, by dressing up and making a nice meal and telling them, by leaving surprise note, by a surprise phone call.

With Actions Consideration and kindness. Anticipate something that your partner would like, do that for them, surprise them.

By Physical Touch Show physical affection, not just sexually. There are plenty of loving ways to nurture each other just by holding hands, giving a foot or back massage, plenty of heart felt hugs. Make time for physical intimacy and loving connection.

When you feed your partner with kindness attention recognition and love you help them to feel really good inside. From this new energy you have helped to breathe into your partner, this rekindled love for you, you can now enjoy all the consequences of their renewed attention appreciation and love to you.

Move in and Enjoy !

All the hard work now done, with all the fresh energy flowing through you and into your relationship, with new creative ideas for feeding the heart, you can now enjoy your connection, your love rekindled. And with your new techniques for clearing out energy accumulations as you go, your ability to change your thinking if its becoming uncomfortable, together with new creative ways to feed each others hearts as much as you feed your stomachs, you can relax in the satisfaction that you can heal nurture and grow your relationship even stronger in the future.