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Victim, Survivor & How The Truth Can Set Us Free
Being forced to accept the mantle of "the victim" which becomes the "everlasting survivor" even when a person doesn't feel like a victim before one is allowed to heal is extremely counterproductive and can block healing, change and evolution from happening at all - as is the ongoing exhortation that a person must somehow accept that "It's not your fault!" when in fact they feel with every fibre of their being that is IS THEIR fault.
In this article, Silvia Hartmann makes the case for simply working with what a person really feels - the intrapersonal truth - rather than to add insult to injury and telling a person what they should be feeling, or what they're feeling is wrong and it's their fault that they're not healing.
Added Aug 30, 2011
| Events Psychology
| 9,232 Reads
& How The Truth Can Set Us Free
The Idea Of Victimhood & Being A Victim - Victims -> Participants - The Everlasting Survivor? - "It Wasn't Your Fault!" - A Path To Absolution
The Idea Of Victimhood & Being A Victim
I have always had a huge problem with the idea of victimhood, of being a victim.
Even though I "was a victim of child abuse" *I* intrapersonally NEVER felt like a victim.
The necessity to don the mantle of the victim as a pre-requisite to enter therapy and "receive healing" as in, "My name is Steve, and I'm an alcoholic!" precluded me from ever entering into therapy.
I thought for a long time that it was just me, that there was "something wrong with me" that I didn't feel like a victim, didn't want to feel like a victim, didn't want to play the "It wasn't your fault, you were just some hapless f**kbag for just anyone to do with whatever they wanted because you were too young, too stupid, and too weak to defend yourself from those who are bigger, smarter and more powerful than your pathetic helpless self" game.
Not at all.
However, as time went by and I got to talk to others who had similar experiences, turns out that nobody really wants to be a victim, never mind remain a victim forever, just because some idiot/s in the past did stuff that caused us to freak out.
There are some strange and worrisome presuppositions, subtexts, in general counselling and therapy as it stands today.
This "you can't heal unless you accept that you're a victim, that it wasn't your fault, that you did nothing wrong" thing is one of those.
It is, in fact, a form of brainwashing.
You HAVE to accept that whole victim thing - IF you WANT to heal, that is.
If you don't, well, it's your choice ... suffer forever then ...
Next, we have to thoroughly hate the abusers/perpetrators, from hereon in referred to in the US fashion as "the perps" (which is a phonological ambiguity to "the pervs" to be sure!).
Then, we have to forgive them.
And ONLY THEN are we allowed to heal.
But actually, we still remain victims forever ...
What a lot of b*****t!
Let's draw a line under all of that, right now.
Victim -> Participant
Let's start afresh, at the beginning, at the very heart of the problem.
The first thing we can do is to re-name "the victim" to "the participant".
Now, I can hear the squawks ringing around the world.
Did I say, "WILLING participant"?
I said, "participant".
Which denotes someone who has participated in something. Which means that they took part in something, and whether it was willing or otherwise, has not yet been established.
It just means they were there, and played a part in the unfoldments of the situation.
You literally cannot have a torture scene with a torturer and there is no-one being tortured.
Both are participants in the scene.
That is the truth of it, one way or the other.
Both are present.
That's where we start.
- Now, and regardless of whether we are counselling the torturer, or the tortured, we can begin to EXPLORE THEIR INTRAPERSONAL EXPERIENCES.
We can absolutely connect with and take down THEIR UNIQUE POINT OF VIEW of the situation in which both were participants.
We can unfold step by step WHAT REALLY HAPPENED *****INTRAPERSONALLY***** - honestly, correctly, logically.
And we can work with THAT intrapersonal reality to bring about changes.
It is a simple fact of life that when we work with what there really is, as opposed to working with what we want there to be, hope there should be, expect that there must be, or hallucinate that there ought to be, we end up with real changes, instead of a total mess.
ALL the participants - and this now includes the counsellor as well! - get to MOVE ON and evolve.
That's worth having.
It is a HUGE relief for all concerned as they can stop trying to squash themselves into some arbitrary role like trying to get into a suit of armour made from spiky metal that is ten sizes too small, and instead, unfold and learn what REALLY HAPPENED THERE, who we really are, each one of the participants, when all is said and done.
When we make this shift, we might even find out how to prevent similar situations from happening in future, and the endless seeming feedback loop between new generations of victims and perps can finally be broken.
We might learn something about how to treat ourselves and others differently, how to treat ourselves right.
And that would be ... progress, at least in my books.
The Everlasting Survivor?
As long as a person continues to define themselves and all they are as a "... SURVIVOR" we can actually simply say, that this person has NOT finished with these events, is NOT clear of them, has NOT reached an evolution and is still "living there".
It is the moment when the survivor of a plane crash ceases to call themselves a plane crash victim, or a plane crash survivor, in words, in their thoughts, how they feel in their bodies, and start calling themselves just a man or a woman instead, perhaps a Republican or an artist, a mother or a CEO, that we know the person is finally healed and back in the now with us, rather than still trapped by the events of the past.
I personally do not encourage anyone to call themselves a survivor. There may be merit in dealing with the fact that something was indeed, survived, but that should be clearly over with as soon as possible and should never become a life choice, an identity forming role or anything of that nature.
A person who is still in that survivor mode is in limbo and needs to evolve out of that limbo, in their own time.
To tell someone that "they will be a survivor forever" is nothing but handing down a cruel sentence of a future devoid of healing, of change, of learning, and of evolution.
That is the same as telling someone that they will be a victim forever, or even a perpetrator forever - it denies the forward movement of evolution for that one person that is possible, that is attainable and most of all, SHOULD BE SOUGHT WITH ALL SPEED so that a person can become a person once more, and make a life that is worth something, to them, and to society at large.
"It wasn't your fault!"
Further from the whole victim/survivor confusion, one of the worst and most harmful brainwashing entrainments in modern psychology is the whole dea of trying to get the client to accept somehow that, "It wasn't your fault!"
This is so unfair, so deeply disturbing to have a person in emotional pain after what they have been through, and then the person who is supposed to help them, is trying to convince them that what they are feeling is WRONG, and they shouldn't be feeling it, and that until and unless they realise just how wrong their ideas and feelings are, no healing will be rationed out.
It's truly appalling.
If someone feels, "It is my fault that this terrible thing happened ...." then WHY can't we just work with what a person feels instead of trying to talk them out of it and make them somehow (and on top of everything else) think they were wrong to feel whatever it is they're feeling in the first place?
Insult to injury!
Also, we are now in a position where a person who feels strongly that it WAS their fault gets into a stalemate with those who try to treat them. There is no forward movement. Everything STOPS. And that is possibly the greatest catastrophe of the "It wasn't your fault!" entrainment.
I saw this at work the other day with an elderly gentleman who bought his daughter an airplane ticket to go on a holiday as a special birthday gift - and unfortunately for all concerned, the airplane crashed and there were no survivors.
This was 20 years ago and people are STILL trying to tell the guy that it wasn't his fault.
And he is STILL in pain - in fact, in the same pain he has been in all along.
For Heaven's sake!
Just let him say that he feels and therefore knows in every fibre of his being that it is his fault, and finally take his word for it, ACCEPT HIS INTRAPERSONAL REALITY AS WHAT THERE REALLY IS - and take it from there.
A Path To Absolution
From there we can finally plot a path to absolution.
In fact, that is the ONLY place we can start if we want to evolve the problem, or help the gentleman.
Now it is true that in the past, psychologists and counsellors didn't have any methods to change a person's feelings directly.
That is no longer the case today, and we can work directly with the feelings without the labels of guilt and shame, without having to hide away from the intrapersonal truth, whatever it may be.
In that way, there is a chance that finally, the victims will be heard and can find a way to heal; the perpetrators may be healed and cease to pose a threat to others in the future, and the helper can come away with the knowledge that they have done something very brave and so unusual, which is to face another person's intrapersonal reality without feeling the need to distort it or have it be something that it never was, and assist in their unique personal path and evolution instead.
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Information about Silvia Hartmann
President of the Guild of Energists.
Training courses and events with Silvia Hartmann:
GoE Modern Energy Trainers Course 2019 with
Silvia Hartmann, Sandra Hillawi & Alex Kent 3-9 June 2019 - The Cavendish Hotel, 38 Grand Parade, Eastbourne, England, BN21 4DH
Der 1. Energiekurs Auf Deutsch with
Silvia Hartmann 15 April - 6 May 2019 - Online
GoE Energiekurs Auf Deutsch (Energy Course in German) with
Silvia Hartmann 15 April 2019 - Online
Latest news & articles by Silvia Hartmann:
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This year's English language course 3rd to 9th June 2019.
GoE Trainer Training Course...
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Posted Oct 4, 2018
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Posted Sep 25, 2018
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Posted Sep 6, 2018
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Posted Aug 31, 2018
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Posted Aug 1, 2018
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Posted Jul 21, 2018
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Posted Jul 11, 2018
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Posted Jun 21, 2018
Please join us in giving a MASSIVE +10 congratulations to all the trainers who attended the sold-out GoE Trainer Training 2018!
If you were wondering what happens at a seven day intensive GoE...
Posted May 17, 2018
Silvia Hartmann's acclaimed Modern Energy Tapping is now available as a paperback book! Powerful, logical, simple and a fantastic experience each and every time, Modern Energy Tapping is the...
Posted Mar 19, 2018
Modern Energy in a nutshell - Modern Energy explained.
Posted Feb 5, 2018
When a person comes to the inevitable conclusion that "their childhood was terrible," based on a lifetime spent sorting only for traumatic memories and moments of deep unhappiness, pain and...
Posted Feb 1, 2018
GoE President Silvia Hartmann's Special Report into the Afterlife is NOW AVAILABLE.
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Posted Jan 15, 2018
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Posted Jan 11, 2018
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Posted Aug 9, 2017
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Posted Mar 23, 2017
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Posted Mar 16, 2017
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Posted Feb 15, 2017
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Posted Feb 13, 2017
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Congratulations to the...
Posted Feb 2, 2017
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Posted Oct 4, 2016
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Posted Sep 7, 2016
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Posted Aug 10, 2016
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Posted Jun 12, 2016
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Silvia Hartmannhas the following products in the store:
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Posted Mar 21, 2010
Magic Dancing: Energy Dancing with The Sacred Horse.
Experience profound relief, release, de-stress and energize your mind, your body, your energy body with this brilliant NEW self help program...
Posted Jun 17, 2014
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Posted Jan 18, 2018
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Posted Feb 1, 2018
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Posted Dec 31, 2017
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Posted Oct 3, 2017
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Silvia Hartmann has kindly contributed the following titles to the 🏫 GoE Library
Posted Oct 2, 2018
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Posted Jan 8, 2018
DragonRising is the publishing arm of the Guild of Energists and they've released some of the most outstanding and innovative audio products available, including: HypnoSolutions, HypnoDreams,...
Posted Jan 23, 2017
Earth Rise is a short energy hypnosis program created by Silvia Hartmann to improve the ability to visualise in internal representations. Use the exercise repeatedly and/or use in conjunction with...
Posted Jan 23, 2017
A rare audio recording of Silvia Hartmann telling the story "Elory's Joy" with a sound track by Ananaga Sivyer.
Posted Jan 19, 2017
Follow with this fascinating transcript as Silvia Hartmann builds a brand new, shiny fresh and young body image from the ground up, step by step as this extraordinary training unfolds. Based on...
Posted Jan 22, 2017
EMO Project Energy (2003) Special Report by Silvia Hartmann is a step by step guide how to take an original idea to its material manifestation, using the principles of energy.
Posted Mar 8, 2017
43 minute video recording of Silvia Hartmann presenting on Energy EFT at the Living Energy 2012 conference.
Posted Nov 10, 2013
Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation on Positive Energy to the delegates of the GoE Energy Conference 2013
Posted Nov 10, 2013
Silvia Hartmann presenting on Project Sanctuary - Infinite Creativity at the GoE Energy Conference 2013
Posted Nov 1, 2014
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Posted May 4, 2017
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Posted Nov 1, 2016
Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation from the GoE Energy Conference 2016, where she unveiled the "Big E" and we officially became the Guild of Energists.
Posted Apr 6, 2018
One hour video presentation by Ilka Wandel on Silvia Hartmann's "Energy Constellations". Also included is Silvia Hartmann's Energy Constellations Adobe PDF file to download and study at home.
Posted Oct 12, 2018
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Posted Jan 20, 2018
GoE President Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation for the GoE Energy Conference 2017.
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Posted Oct 9, 2018
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Posted Feb 10, 2017
MindMillion by Silvia Hartmann - Complete book has been added to the Library.
In this extraordinary book, you will find the tried and tested remedies, techniques, tools and most of all, the...
Posted Jan 22, 2012
MindMillion articles on business success from the energy perspective (pre-Energy EFT/Positive EFT) 2005 - 2012. Includes over seventy articles.
Posted Oct 23, 2018
Never heard of Modern Energy? Check out this 5 min intro that might just change your life! Here is how to do "emotional wellness" "emotional intelligence" and how to get from stress to success in...
Posted Apr 16, 2018
27 minute video of author Silvia Hartmann presenting on Modern Energy Tapping at the GoE Positive Energy Day which took place at Sedgwick Park UK in 2014.
Posted Feb 25, 2017
Classic EFT & NLP is a special report by Silvia Hartmann for NLP Practitioners on how to use Classic EFT, which covers how to use Classic EFT to enhance NLP abilities in the self; how to use...
Posted Apr 24, 2015
NLP Neurolinguistic Programming with energy in mind themed articles by Silvia Hartmann. Includes over eighty articles on subjects including Learning NLP, NLP and Energy, NLP Essays, NLP and...
Posted Feb 26, 2017
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Posted Jan 27, 2017
Silvia Hartmann's groundbreaking Project Sanctuary. Third edition 2002, published 2003. Complete text.
Project Sanctuary is a unique set of processes using intention, energy and metaphor,...
Posted Mar 12, 2018
Project Sanctuary is easy, and fun. In this straightforward, friendly 14 minute free meditation, GoE President Silvia Hartmann guides you through the process of setting up a "first Sanctuary". Use...
Posted Jun 19, 2018
Special Report by Silvia Hartmann for all members to read free in the library, however prior knowledge of SuperMind, Infinite Creativity and Project Sanctuary is advised.
Need to read Infinite...
Posted Jun 1, 2014
Summer 2014 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Oct 1, 2014
Autumn 2014 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Jan 21, 2015
Winter 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Apr 9, 2015
Spring 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Jul 27, 2015
Summer 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Sep 1, 2015
Autumn 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Mar 19, 2016
Spring 2016 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Feb 1, 2017
Spring 2017 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted May 26, 2017
Summer 2017 edition of The Energist magazine.
Posted Feb 20, 2018
Winter 2018 edition of The Energist magazine.
Available to read online on smart phones, tablets and in browsers, plus also the option to download as an Adobe PDF file for printing out at home or...
Posted Oct 16, 2018
Do you want to be a millionaire? Check out these amazing Top 5 Tips from GoE president Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 6, 2018
Video clips from Silvia Hartmann's Modern Energy Foundation online course:
Unit 1: Why Your Happiness Matters - An Introduction to Modern Energy
These are made available to you to watch...
Posted Jan 13, 2017
Zauberwelt is an introduction to the magical world of modern energy. In this charming book, Silvia Hartmann explains in simple words and simple examples how different our world looks when we...
Posted Jan 13, 2017
Zauberwelt is an introduction to the magical world of modern energy. In this charming book which has been translated from the original German language edition, Silvia Hartmann explains in simple...
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