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The Battered Woman & EMO

The Battered Woman & EMO

EMO has a new answer to an old problem - "Why do people stay in hurtful, painful, injurious relationships with people who beat them in mind, body and spirit?"

The old answer was, "Because they're weak, stupid, because they have low self esteem, because they enjoy being beaten up, they love to be punished and are masochists!" - especially if a person was serially finding partners, spouses and friends who all abused them.

EMO has a totally different answer and a totally different way of treating "the battered woman" - which could also be of course, a man.

We know from Events Psychology that the main driver for unhealthy behaviours of all kinds are the so called Guiding Stars - a high charge running through the energy system in an instant, a positive experience that feels wonderful and well, an enlightenment experience.

These are pure energy body events, probably natural evolutionary events that have been wanting to happen, but in our energy-blind societies, they happen randomly and are totally misunderstood by the people who have these Guiding Star events, and totally undiagnosed by the care givers and care providers who are exclusively on the hunt for "trauma only" as the explanation as to why people do the things they do.

A Guiding Star is not a blessing to the energy system. The very fact that a person serially repeats or tries to repeat the Guiding Star event is proof that "the event is not complete." Just as in the flashbacks of trauma memories, Guiding Star driven behaviour is designed to re-present the problem over and over again, finally hoping for a resolution.

The case of the "battered women," metaphorically speaking, is so foundational and classic to Guiding Star theory, it was included in the first ever paper on Guiding Stars in 2000 as an example of how Guiding Stars work in general:

Following on from this, women who, for example, always marry abusive alcoholics are *not* deranged masochists who hate themselves for their low self concepts and seek punishment. Quite in the contrary. Chances are there was this one time when daddy came home, reeling and reeking of alcohol, picked up the little girl, sat her on his lap and called her "My beautiful princess."

THAT is what they're trying to recreate - and not all the years of constant and daily abuse!

Women under a Guiding Star of a man who is angry and hits women, similarly, have a terrifying struggle on their hands when well meaning care workers walk in and tell them all the rational reasons as to why they should pack up and go to the women's shelter, always with the pre-supposition right behind their kindly words that the woman is intensely stupid for still being with this guy. That sets up the tension conflict with their Guiding Star which may have been with daddy or even the abusive man himself, and leads to an absolutely shattering experience when they finally "give in" under the threat of death or harm to their children and "abandon their Guiding Star".

Excerpt from Guiding Stars 2000, Silvia Hartmann

Today we say that it is structurally impossible for a person to actively and repeatedly seek out an abusive relationship unless there is a Guiding Star with an abusive person in their history.

When we treat a person who suffers from the battered woman scenario, we don't talk of the abuse. We talk of the Guiding Star instead, the moment they fell in love, the best feelings with another person they ever had, the best they've ever felt in their lives.

We can explain that they are not seeking punishment, but instead seeking love, guided by their own personal highest taste of love.

To understand this is an enormous breakthrough for battered women who think they have low self esteem and that they are wanting to punish themselves for an unknown transgression, which is crazy and very dangerous, if you think about it.

To understand that whatever was done, was done in the name of love, is a hugely powerful moment in and of itself.

This often creates powerful energy movements and EMO is exactly the right tool to remind the person to soften and flow, that these really are only energies that are finally finding their rightful place in time and space, to breathe deeply, and that they are doing very well.

Now we can turn to the Guiding Star directly.

People are always scared to attempt an intervention on a Guiding Star, invariably citing the idea of, "This is the best memory of my life, if you change that or take it away, what will I have left ...?"

The answer to that is thankfully clear in EMO - you will have all the rest of your incarnation left to do things differently from now on and experience many more wonderful feelings, many more star states to come in the future.

Guiding Stars have a habit of blocking further enlightenment experiences, especially in the context of the subject which they rule.

This is probably structural to the energy system.

Even though Guiding Stars felt so good at the time, they are always an incomplete energy movement that needs to be completed.

Once that happens, the memory becomes clearer, but it is no longer addictive and needs no longer to be repeated with new substances or with new abusers, as in the case of battered women.

The Guiding Star becomes a "star memory" and the person themselves is free to choose differently now.

We can ask for the first abuser, the original Guiding Star event, where and when that happened, specifically, and then go on to ask the normal EMO question of, "Where do you feel this in your body? Show me with your hands." If the person does not remember (which is very rare because Guiding Stars are not "repressed" as trauma memories would be) you can ask for the most positive experience with any one of a series of abusers the client can remember.

Instead of running cleanly through the energy body, Guiding Stars are usually described as lightning strikes that cause an explosion somewhere - in the head, in the chest, in the stomach. An "explosion" in the energy body is really not much better than its opposite, a total blockage, it just feels very different; still we don't want an explosion but an even flow, in, through and out.

It's a fascinating exploration to work with Guiding Stars directly; they are such powerful energy occurrences and the effects they've had on people's lives are so extreme, it is very rewarding indeed.

"Breaking" Guiding Stars the old fashioned way, by trying to pile on so much pain, fear and misery that the person breaks down and as a last resort, literally crawls away "a broken spirit," is difficult, painful, time consuming and so very damaging to a person in the long term. On top of that, there is always the risk then that the person still will try to re-create a new abusive relationship once again because the basic problem in the energy system has never been addressed.

Evolving a Guiding Star, on the other hand, really does set a person such as a battered woman free from the Guiding Star and the person it was created with.

It changes the energy system for the better, and the understanding that everything was done for love, and never any other reason at all, is a veritable life saver.

I do hope that more people will begin to understand Guiding Stars and how they affect people; it is an essential piece of knowledge without which people behaviour doesn't make sense and the wrongful idea that we are all masochists, seeking to create suffering for ourselves through strange collections, desperately clinging on to the past, strange fetishes and serial abusive relationships, to mention but a few, is finally replaced by logic and the understanding that we people seek good experiences, and all we do, we do for love by any other name.

Silvia Hartmann

Author, EMO: Emotions, Energy, Information & Love 2011

Author, Events Psychology: How To Understand Yourself & Other People 2009/2014

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Silvia Hartmann

About Silvia Hartmann

President of the Guild of Energists.

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