What is a crush? To have a crush on someone is an obsession with another person who has triggered previously unknown feelings, thoughts and sensations that is essentially synonymous with falling in love. A crush can happen to anyone at any time; it can involve a film star, a neighbour, a total stranger on a train; and it matters absolutely not one iota whether this person - the object of attraction - is aware of this or interested in any aspect of it AT ALL.
Structurally, something happens INSIDE the person who is experiencing the crush; it completely belongs to THAT person and it is in fact, the FIRST TIME a new kind of circuitry is fired off, comes online INSIDE the person who experiences the crush.
A crush is like the lights on a Christmas Tree coming on because someone accidentally touched a loose bulb.
Now that may sound utterly unromantic, and you're right, it is.
A crush a structural thing that happens to people, and if only it was handled correctly, could herald a whole new dawn of wonderful understandings, feelings, a different kind of life filled to the brim with love, joy and happiness ...
But that's not the experience of people who have fallen prey to a crush.
They are first of all, totally confused by the ENORMITY of the emotions they are experiencing, probably for the very first time ever.
Secondly, they are distracted from these internal experiences by their external obsession to the person who triggered the crush (or the object, in the case of a fetish!).
Because the immense swoop of feelings happened *because* of that person, the owner of the crush can't help but tie the two together, like this:
"I feel such amazing emotions I've never felt before when I see Pete, and that means that it is Pete who makes these emotions - Pete MAKES me feel this way."
Pete becomes the creator of good feelings, the cause, the reason, and thus, the total focus of attention for the crushed.
Now, it's all about Pete.
The more we can look at Pete, the better we feel; if we can't look at Pete, we feel terrible.
Each and every aspect of this in practise strengthens the idea that it is PETE who is in charge here; that it is Pete who is the solution to the problem, the remedy for the pain, the bringer of joy, and everything else besides.
Pete, in the meantime, may be on the other side of the planet, utterly oblivious, otherwise engaged, or just simply not interested at all.
To outside observers, such as friends, family, and the parents of teenage daughters, as well as therapists, it is obvious that this isn't about Pete, because Pete plays no part in this drama other than his mere existence, for which he cannot be held responsible.
To the person on the inside of the crush, this is not only not obvious, but completely unbelievable, as they have STRUCTURALLY AND NEUROLOGICALLY tied the feelings to the object of attraction, by virtue of design, by reflex, because that is how people work.
So the very first step for anyone who wants to help another get over a crush in a healthy manner and learn the right lessons from this extraordinary occurrence is to UNDERSTAND that for a person inside of a crush situation, it is an absolute reality that Pete, the object of attraction, is what is making all of this happen.
Please understand that you cannot tell a person under the spell of a crush that they are wrong; that Pete doesn't care; that this "isn't real" (because for them, it really doesn't get any realler than this, believe you me!).
You cannot argue with a person under the spell of a crush; you can't use ordinary logic or reason with them. Any kind of counter-evidence doesn't stand up to the sheer force of the emotional experiences the person is going through.
What we can do, however, is to LISTEN.
That is the first start.
"When you think about Pete, what do you feel? And where do you feel this?"
In these simple questions, there lie many magic seeds for helping the crushed person through the transition they are making - from someone who has no idea what love feels like, to someone who recognises it, understands it, welcomes it, and is able to interact with others on a whole new level altogether.
Falling in love is an enlightenment experience.
A crush is an enlightenment experience.
Don't denigrate it; don't say, "He or she'll get over it ..."
That's NOT enough. Most people come out of first loves and crushes so terribly damaged and disappointed, so disheartened and in so much pain that they make decisions about love which will haunt them possibly forever, and may destroy entire incarnations in the process.
That's a terrible thing, a terrible price to pay; it is IMPORTANT that we should learn to treasure crushes and make sure that the person comes out on the other side strengthened, wiser, and healthy and whole, ready to love again, and again, and again, deeper, more profoundly, and with more wisdom and experience each time it presents itself.
"When you think about Pete, what do you feel? And where do you feel this?"
In this sentence, we start out from where the person is - constantly thinking OUTWARDS, towards Pete. That is the direction of their attention, they can't help it, that is how it works.
"When you think about Pete ..." aligns us with that REALITY of the person. We are on their side, not trying to talk them out of it, or change the direction of their attention at this time.
The next part of the sentence goes on and follows the same route that happens naturally in the person, namely their RESPONSE to the original object of attraction - how Pete makes them feel.
"When you think about Pete, what do YOU feel?"
Now, the attention is on the feelings - it has actually been withdrawn from Pete and placed back where it belongs, INSIDE THE PERSON THEMSELVES.
That's the power place, the power point, even if people don't know this.
The fact is that Pete can't help us at all, even if he was willing. Pete is ON THE OUTSIDE. The way the person feels can't be changed from the outside, even though it may appear that way; the way person feels must be changed BY THE PERSON, from the inside.
"What do you feel?" does that, it takes the person to where the real power resides, namely inside their own body.
We go on to specify the question by asking not for a bunch of labels such as "depressed hopeless overwhelmed miserable angry"; nor are we asking for a bunch of metaphors like "my heart is blossoming like a lotus flower; my soul is singing like a bird; I am drowning in a purple ocean of love ..."
We are asking, "WHAT do you feel? And wHERE do you feel this?"
We are trying to get a factual description of the PHYSICAL symptoms of having fallen prey to crush, or having fallen in love, if that term is preferred.
We are looking for terms that are direct and describe directly a PHYSICAL sensation, such as:
"I feel a hot burning in my chest." "My stomach is all in knots and I can't breathe." "My head feels like it's going to explode with the pressure."
Theoretically, when a person "falls in love", there should be a clean lightning strike of energy that runs through all their systems in an instance; leaving them delighted, smiling, refreshed, very proactive, very logical and present and correct.
All the "love pain" that people experience is only due to the fact that people's love circuitry is not functioning as it should; there are PLACES in the energy body that are incapable of handling the lightning strike energy and it is there where things get stuck, strike existing injuries and blockages, and when they do, IT HURTS.
That's where LOVE HURTS.
The PHYSICAL sensations of pain in the heart, pressure in the chest and stomach, which can be literally unbearably painful, are not given enough credence and attention when people try to help others who are suffering from the effects of a crush.
The helpers think it's all in the head, but it isn't. If it was, it would be easy to overcome; the very reason that crushes and falling in love with the wrong person is such a problem is exactly because it is so very PHYSICAL in all its manifestations.
And that is also exactly how a crushed person KNOWS THAT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY REAL.
And they're right!
It *is* absolutely real.
Now, we have asked the question.
"When you think about Pete, what do you feel? And where do you feel this?"
Let's imagine that we've asked a ladyfriend of ours, who is sitting on her bed in her room, in floods of tears "because of Pete".
Now, we need to listen to what she says.
Now, we need to WATCH HER VERY CAREFULLY.
As she was crying, her hands may have been before her eyes.
When we asked the question, her hands moved - from her eyes to her chest perhaps, holding on to herself, SHOWING US DIRECTLY WHERE THE WORST PAIN RESIDES.
Let's keep it going.
"Does it hurt where your heart is?"
Talk. Ask. Don't tell her what she should or should not be feeling, thinking, doing. work with what is right there.
"What are you feeling?"
She tells us things, and we listen with our ears, but we also listen with our eyes, watch really carefully what gestures she makes, how she moves her body as she tells us and shows us her pain, her INJURY.
We can now say, "Look, there's something wrong with your heart. Not with your beating heart, but with your heart of energy, that's why it hurts so much. Love is a good thing, it should feel good. Shall we try and heal your heart?"
Please note that we are NOT offering to "get rid of Pete" or in any way to exorcise their affection for the object of attraction. That will all happen wonderfully and NATURALLY once the poor person's energy system has been restored to full functioning. They won't be in excruciating pain any longer and they'll be able to think for themselves again and make rational decisions.
Personally, I have never met a person in terrible pain who would not welcome the idea of alleviating that pain somewhat, even just a little bit.
Should any objections occur however, you can always point out that a fully functioning heart of energy works much better - you get to love Pete even more than you already do. This is about you, not about Pete. Don't you want to be the best you can possibly be?
In all reality, there is never a reason to not be healed in energy work.
Every person has inside themselves not just a drive towards health and what we call "The Even Flow", but also an understanding and recognition of when things are right, and when they are wrong.
Everyone, even a small child, understands innately that if you are broken, you are not going to get what you want, whatever that may be; and if you are repaired, you have a much better chance.
It is this innate and incontrovertible understanding which convinces people do do the structural repair work of simply "putting to rights what once went wrong", as the saying goes in EMO.
It is an essential movement away from pain and towards pleasure, which is the most basic wiring of any living thing; when you call upon this in EMO, objections melt away and people become ready to at least attempt a healing.
Once our person has agreed that to attempt to heal the heart is a good idea, we can say, "Put your hands on your heart. Send all the healing energy you have to your heart, whatever you have to give. I'm going to do the same thing. You work from the inside, I work from the outside, and between the two of us, let's see if we can't make this better ..."
"Let's find out if we can make you feel better."
EMO is a wonderfully loving thing.
It is beautiful in how unconditional this is.
Our ladyfriend doesn't have to "give up" anything. She doesn't have to first vow to not love Pete anymore. She doesn't have to explain herself. She doesn't have to admit to having been "wrong" to fall in love with him in the first place.
We are here to pay attention to her alone, and to help her feel better. That's all.
THAT is exquisite, beautiful, and extraordinary.
It gives the power back to the person who is receiving this kind of unconditional support from the other (you!); it leaves all choices and decisions with her after the healing is completed; it supports HER and her alone.
If you as the helper in this situation can enter into "the spirit of EMO" and allow yourself also to forget all about Peter and simply focus on healing the person in front of you, with all YOUR heart, you will be suprised how open and ready the other becomes to receive your support and TAKE the energy you are offering to make it a part of their healing process.
Even teenagers with their parents, if approached in that way, will allow that sort of unconditional support to enter into them and help them through a crush crisis.
There is more to this than meets the eye at first glance.
ANY movement during even a half hearted first attempt in the EXPERIENCE OF THE PHYSICAL PAIN is, for the person who is feeling all of this, akin to a revelation.
ANY movement will give them HOPE - "Oh my God, I really *can* do something to help myself in this experience of suffering! There is MOVEMENT, I'm not stuck anymore!"
EMO is something that is essentially designed to be a life skill, something that once it has been experienced, once it has been learned, will and can come to the rescue from that moment forth, and will literally TRANCEFORM the experience of a person.
With crushes and being in love, there are huge waves of emotions involved; huge physical sensations that can strike at any time, that can involve literally every part of the body.
Just the thought alone that "This is only an energy!" is a saving grace. Before, HOW would you explain how you feel to yourself? What was going on with you? How this was caused, and how to alleviate it?
There was total helplessness, overwhelm and non-understanding, plus the very real fear that one might be going out of control, going insane, and the further repercussions of those sort of thoughts on a person's behaviour after the fact.
A little heart healing later and ...
"When you think about Pete, what do you feel? And where do you feel this in your body?"
(Deep, deep sigh of relief): "I feel ... lighter, so much better ... (sighs again deeply) ... Now, I feel like a pressure in my (...) ..."
"That too, is only an energy. You've done so well! Just let that flow away as well ... and keep breathing deeply ..."
That is a good start.
THAT is something so simple and so easy that anyone can learn to do it, learn to facilitate it.
YOU, yes, YOU, whoever you are, you can use this when your friends and relatives are struck by the spell of the crush.
You can use this for yourself, by yourself, or you can tell a friend about it and you can do it together.
"Love Pain" can be healed and cured - ONLY if you work directly with the energy system. But when you do, it is extraordinary how gentle, easy and profound the healing becoems, and how much better we can all start to feel as a result, and right away.
There is no need to die of a broken heart any longer; there is no need to try and live for years with the pain of love, obsession, misery after failed affairs, break ups, and unrequited crushes. There is no need any longer to get to age 87 and still declare that the "only person I ever loved broke my heart when I was 14 and I have never loved again ..."
EMO gives us an incredibly easy way to cure love pain, and to open up the doors to a life FULL OF LOVE, love that delights, not hurts; love that gives us wings, not diseases.
It's as simple as that, really.
Try it with real people, in real life situations, when you can see, hear and feel they are suffering.
You don't have to be a therapist, or a healer.
ANY human being can help another using these simple words, this simple system, and that's what it was always designed to do.
Let your love flow freely, and may it always be joyous,