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Don't Talk About Emotions, Talk About Feelings - How You Can Be Understood And Cared For Too
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus when it comes to talking about feelings and emotions - hardly! It is a fact though that women use language differently to describe their feelings and emotions, to a point where a man doesn't understand any longer what they are talking about and switches off altogether, gives up even trying. Here is a very easy, brand new way to talk about emotions in such a way that even a man - yes, even a totally unemotional man! - will be able to understand you ... and possibly even start to take care of your real emotional needs.
Added Jan 8, 2009 | | 34,315 Reads
There is one way, the common, standard, pop psychology way of talking about emotions, and that is using metaphor and labels and a whole mountain of words that jumble one into the other:
"Oh I'm so upset! I really don't know how you can make me feel so bad in front of the neighbours - especially after what I told you last week about how I need you to emotionally support and socially enable me, so I can build trust and we can come to a whole new level of togetherness ..."
Now let's back up for a moment.
We have a lady here who is, clearly, really upset. And something happened during a party perhaps where the husband said something, or didn't say something, and that's also real.
When I say, "state her real feelings accurately" I do not mean even more convoluted labels or metaphorical descriptions of "feeling like you pulled the rug out from under me" and "sinking into shame and abandonment", but about how all and any of that REALLY ACTUALLY FEELS.
In EMO, we have this key question as we ask, "Where do you feel that emotion in your body?"
Where does that lady feel her "so upset"? And more importantly, HOW does she feel it?
If we ask her, she thinks for a moment, because this isn't her natural way of communicating, but then manages to make the switch and explain that her head is really hot and throbbing, her throat and stomach feel tight and hard, and there is a noticeable trembling all through her body.
The husband may say, if the "upset" is explained in these terms, "Wow. That's - heavy! And all of that because of something I said earlier?!"
"Yeah," says the wife. "There is something that happens to me and it starts up like that, I feel ... ahm, I feel real pain in my stomach when you say you don't like my cooking."
"Yes. Stabbing pain. It hurts, right here." She points to the place where she feels the pain.
"Wow ... I had no idea ..."
Now, not all husbands, obviously, will be loving and supportive enough to then go on and, if this is offered to them, help make it better. But a lot of men, if the problem is explained correctly and precisely, will be more than willing to do whatever it takes to make their wife happy again.
"What can I do?"
"You could come over here and put your hand on where it hurts. Hmmm... that's better. And please, don't do it again. Please don't hurt me."
"Wow. I'm sorry, I didn't know ... I had no idea ..." Embraces and kisses wife ...
With a bit of practice, it makes a lot of sense to talk about emotions like that. Instead of saying, "I'm depressed ..." or "I'm under the weather ..." or "Oh I can't be bothered ..." to describe the ACTUAL PHYSICAL SENSATIONS which happen to be present at the time, has many benefits.
For example, to say, "My head is hot and it hurts," rather than, "The kids are driving me crazy again!" opens the door for all manner of interventions, plus on top it gives a lot of information as what to do, and what not to do.
If someone says that their head is hot and hurts, you're not going to start yelling at the top of your lungs - you NATURALLY AND AUTOMATICALLY know what to do, even if you're not a neurosurgeon by trade.
"Here, sit down. Put a cold flannel on your head for a moment and put your feet up ... would you like a cup of tea?"
With accurate information, even so-called emotionless husbands can act and do the right things to make someone feel better. Not just husbands, but even very young children can understand and take action, and this produces for a person who has learned to talk like that a whole lot of support that was never there before - and often from the most unlikely of people!
Talking directly about the feelings in the body rather than talking emotion talk, pop psychology style, with all that judgement and blame and shame and so forth, has another major advantage.
Even a teenager can learn to say when they are feeling a pain in their chest, or a churning in their stomach; that their legs feel heavy or their hands won't move properly, or are cold, or hot, or trembling.
Those are the REAL emotions, direct, there can be no mistake, and there is no need to label them, or judge someone for having them.
An ex-General can learn to tell his wife when he is feeling stiff and cold, and his breathing is difficult - hey, most people would call that "being afraid", but we don't have to, and it doesn't do any good to call it that, or anything else, for that matter - it changes nothing.
If the General says he is stiff and cold and he has trouble breathing, there is no "shame" in his wife making him a hot drink, sitting him down, rubbing his hands and his back, or doing one of many possible things "to make him feel better".
From this simple, factual explanation of how he feels, he can accept someone helping him - which isn't possible once you engage all the words and labels.
And so in most cases, it turns out that men have feelings after all - they always had them, even the ones who were said to be so unemotional, or emotionally challenged, or emotionally illiterate, or backward, or even autistic.
They do feel THE SAME things - the cold hands, the churning in the stomach, the pain in the heart, the throbbing head, the burning eyes, the heavy legs, the deep trembling in the center, the shivers down the back and all the rest of it!
What a revelation!
I was once present when a husband and wife of some 30 years tried this way of talking about their feelings for the first time. The wife described one of her emotions in that strictly physical way, and the husband jumped from the chair and literally shouted, "YOU FEEL THAT TOO? I thought it was only me - and I was crazy!"
And there it was - the common ground between men and women, the emotional and the unemotional, and it wasn't Mars and Venus anymore, but two human people, right here on Planet Earth, for the first time being able to compare notes on how they REALLY FELT.
It isn't difficult to talk about emotions - just drop the labels and try and describe what you feel in your body, without metaphors, just simply what is there.
When you do that, the other person - and it really doesn't matter much who they are! - begins to understand what it's like inside for you, BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS as you do.
It's a fabulous way, a very simple way to a whole new level of communication and true understanding, especially in family relationships - and all you have to do is to remember to drop the labels, and don't talk about your emotions - talk about your feelings instead.
Added Jan 8, 2009 | | 34,315 Reads
Training courses and events with Silvia Hartmann:
with Silvia Hartmann & Sandra Hillawi
11 Nov 2023 - 12 Nov 2023 - Online
with Silvia Hartmann
5 Jun 2023 - 26 Jun 2023 - Live Online
Silvia Hartmann has the following products in the store:
EMO: Emotions, Energy, Information & Love, 2nd Edition
Posted Nov 3, 2016
Powerful information every person on this Earth needs to hear about. Fifteen years of EMO in theory and practice have taught us so much about energy, how it works with human emotion but also with...
Energy Dancing I
Posted Mar 23, 2010
Energy Dancing is a completely natural and intuitive way to increase energy flow throughout the body. This causes emotions to change for the better, as well as being a very fast method to...
Energy Dancing II: The Sacred Horse
Posted Mar 21, 2010
Magic Dancing: Energy Dancing with The Sacred Horse. Experience profound relief, release, de-stress and energize your mind, your body, your energy body with this brilliant NEW self help program...
Infinite Creativity: The Project Sanctuary Story
Posted Jun 17, 2014
Infinite Creativity: The Project Sanctuary Story by Silvia Hartmann comes 16 years after the original Project Sanctuary manual was released. If you are interested in unlocking your minds full...
Modern Energy Tapping by Silvia Hartmann
Posted Jan 18, 2018
Following two decades of research with classic tapping, Energy in Motion, Energy EFT and Positive EFT comes Modern Energy Tapping - a system designed from the ground up to get you and your clients...
Star Matrix by Silvia Hartmann
Posted Oct 5, 2021
This is the Star Matrix book by Silvia Hartmann. Purchase through DragonRising to get immediate access to gain your certificate in Star Matrix Foundation.
The Modern Energist's Guide To The Afterlife: Soul Lessons For This Life -...
Posted Feb 1, 2018
In this Special Report, GoE President Silvia Hartmann takes us through an amazing journey to the afterlife - and beyond. If you have always wondered about the reality of the immortal soul, wanted...
The Power of The Positives (2023): Beyond Positive Psychology, Positive...
Posted May 5, 2023
Do you want to feel better, achieve more, and live a life of meaning and purpose? If so, you need The Power of the Positives by Silvia Hartmann, the creator of Modern Energy. This eBook will...
The Power of The Positives SPECIAL REPORT (2017): Unlocking The Extraordinary...
Posted Dec 31, 2017
In this special report, Silvia Hartmann takes us deep into the Power of the Positives and guides us to the next step on our journey into the undiscovered country on the positive side of the Modern...
Trillion Dollar Stress Solution
Posted Oct 3, 2017
The Trillion Dollar Stress Solution: MODERN Stress Management - From Stress To Success. Very rarely, a book comes along that has the power to change the way we see the world. Silvia Hartmann's...
Silvia Hartmann has kindly contributed the following titles to the 🏫 GoE Library:
4 Cool Energy Hacks For Procrastination, Anxiety & Self Doubt - Video with...
Posted Oct 2, 2018
Raise energy FAST with these 4 quick and easy techniques to overcome procrastination, anxiety and self doubt presented by Silvia Hartmann: Heart Healing, EMO Energy In Motion, Modern Energy...
80+ NLP Neurolinguistic Programming Articles With Energy In Mind
Posted Apr 24, 2015
NLP Neurolinguistic Programming with energy in mind themed articles by Silvia Hartmann. Includes over eighty articles on subjects including Learning NLP, NLP and Energy, NLP Essays, NLP and...
Bereavement Healing With Modern Energy - The Immortal Beloved Protocol by...
Posted Mar 13, 2023
Help people with their bereavement with the Immortal Beloved protocol developed and written by Silvia Hartmann.
DragonRising Radio Show
Posted Jan 8, 2018
DragonRising is the publishing arm of the Guild of Energists and they've released some of the most outstanding and innovative audio products available, including: HypnoSolutions, HypnoDreams,...
Earth Rise Visualisation Training Audio 2006
Posted Jan 23, 2017
Earth Rise is a short energy hypnosis program created by Silvia Hartmann to improve the ability to visualise in internal representations. Use the exercise repeatedly and/or use in conjunction with...
Easy EFT, Adventures in EFT, The Advanced Patterns of EFT and EFT & NLP -...
Posted Oct 22, 2019
Classic EFT Tapping by Silvia Hartmann is a compendium of some of the most important and influential classic EFT books available, including: Easy EFT by Silvia Hartmann - Introductory guide...
Elory's Joy Audio Recording 2005
Posted Jan 23, 2017
A rare audio recording of Silvia Hartmann telling the story "Elory's Joy" with a sound track by Ananaga Sivyer.
EMO BeauTy T Complete
Posted Jan 19, 2017
Follow with this fascinating transcript as Silvia Hartmann builds a brand new, shiny fresh and young body image from the ground up, step by step as this extraordinary training unfolds. Based on...
EMO Beauty T Live Recording with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Feb 5, 2020
Members are invited to listen the complete audio recording of the 2004 BeautyT live training with Silvia Hartmann in the UK. This is a unique opportunity to listen to the complete set of LIVE...
Energy EFT Master Practitioner Live Recording with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 26, 2019
In March 2012, Silvia Hartmann (President & Founder of The GoE) conducted a three day Energy EFT Master Practitioner live training near London Gatwick and we took along our cameras to record...
Energy EFT Presentation by Silvia Hartman
Posted Mar 8, 2017
43 minute video recording of Silvia Hartmann presenting on Energy EFT at the Living Energy 2012 conference.
GoE Energy Protection Course
Posted Feb 3, 2021
Silvia Hartmann's GoE Energy Protection is a free video course on energy/psychic protection for GoE Members to enjoy, be inspired by and stay protected.
GoE Modern Energy Foundation Course (The Energy Course), 2023 Edition
Posted Nov 3, 2022
Silvia Hartmann's GoE Modern Energy Foundation is a free online certified video course for GoE Members. Presented over five hours of online training, this course covers: The Modern Energy Chart,...
GoE Visibility Course: The Modern Energy Way with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Feb 23, 2021
Silvia Hartmann's "GoE Visibility: The Modern Energy Way" is a free video course for GoE Members for increasing confidence in being heard and seen on YouTube, social media, video calls and more.
GoE2013 - P01 - Positive Energy with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 10, 2013
Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation on Positive Energy to the delegates of the GoE Energy Conference 2013
GoE2013 - P09 - Project Sanctuary - Infinite Creativity with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 10, 2013
Silvia Hartmann presenting on Project Sanctuary - Infinite Creativity at the GoE Energy Conference 2013
GoE2014 - P01 - Keynote: Soul Matters with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 1, 2014
The energy system is a fascinating place with levels and layers, and so much to discover. By now, almost everybody knows that to mess with the heart centre is a very bad idea and leads to all...
GoE2014 - P12 - Marketing for Energists with Silvia Hartmann
Posted May 4, 2017
In 2014, Silvia Hartmann brought together a special think tank to tackle the evergreen problem of MARKETING from the Energist's perspective and from the ground up. Modern energy work is a hugely...
GoE2016 - P01 - Keynote: We Love Energy with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 1, 2016
Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation from the GoE Energy Conference 2016, where she unveiled the "Big E" and we officially became the Guild of Energists.
GoE2016 - P13 - Energy Constellations – Created by Silvia Hartmann –...
Posted Apr 6, 2018
One hour video presentation by Ilka Wandel on Silvia Hartmann's "Energy Constellations". Also included is Silvia Hartmann's Energy Constellations Adobe PDF file to download and study at home. To...
GoE2016 - P20 - Supermind: A New Intelligence For Energists?
Posted Oct 12, 2018
For the last 23 years, brave souls have been venturing into Project Sanctuary, the original universal sandbox designed to learn the mysterious, fascinating and enchanting ways of the energy mind....
GoE2017 - P01 - The Love Challenge with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Jan 20, 2018
GoE President Silvia Hartmann's keynote presentation for the GoE Energy Conference 2017. The positive side of the Modern Energy Chart is truly "The Undiscovered Country" - it is a new world, a...
GoE2021 - P01 - The Miracle Expansion with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 25, 2021
In this opening plenary speech to the conference, GoE President Silvia Hartmann presents on the The Miracle Expansion - a new definition, new concepts, new worlds and new possibilities!
GoE2021 - P09 - New Worlds Modern Energy Art Exhibition with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 25, 2021
Join Silvia Hartmann for a virtual Modern Energy Art Exhibition.
GoE2021 - P12 - Closing Plenary: Tapping Into YOUR Miracle Expansion with...
Posted Nov 25, 2021
For the finale, let's come together and TAP for our new miracles! The future is what we create, right here, right now... let us together create a new field of miracles.
How A Child Sex Abuse Survivor Healed 1 MILLION Hearts - Video with Silvia...
Posted Oct 9, 2018
The extrordinary story how a distraught child sex abuse survivor triggered a chain of events that has helped to heal a million broken hearts - so far! - Video with GoE president Silvia Hartmann
MindMillion 2005 by Silvia Hartmann - Complete Text
Posted Feb 10, 2017
MindMillion by Silvia Hartmann - Complete book has been added to the Library. In this extraordinary book, you will find the tried and tested remedies, techniques, tools and most of all, the...
MindMillion Articles 2005 - 2012
Posted Jan 22, 2012
MindMillion articles on business success from the energy perspective (pre-Energy EFT/Positive EFT) 2005 - 2012. Includes over seventy articles.
MindMillion Exercises by Silvia Hartmann: The 60 Second Wealth Creators
Posted Apr 15, 2023
Welcome to MindMillion by Silvia Hartmann: 365 modern energy exercises for wealth, money, abundance in its widest metaphorical sense, to de-stress, re-focus and improve energy flow fast. Each...
Mirror Charm Sanctuary - Evolving Metaphors Masterclass
Posted Nov 24, 2022
For members of the Guild of Energists, Silvia Hartmann has gifted you a special members-only practitioner master class in evolving metaphors in sanctuary. It’s beautiful and advanced Modern...
Modern Energy 101 - The Modern Energy Chart In A Nutshell - Video by Silvia...
Posted Oct 23, 2018
Never heard of Modern Energy? Check out this 5 min intro that might just change your life! Here is how to do "emotional wellness" "emotional intelligence" and how to get from stress to success in...
Modern Energy Tapping Presentation with Silvia Hartman
Posted Apr 16, 2018
27 minute video of author Silvia Hartmann presenting on Modern Energy Tapping at the GoE Positive Energy Day which took place at Sedgwick Park UK in 2014.
NLP & Classic EFT Special Report 1999-2009
Posted Feb 25, 2017
Classic EFT & NLP is a special report by Silvia Hartmann for NLP Practitioners on how to use Classic EFT, which covers how to use Classic EFT to enhance NLP abilities in the self; how to use...
Power Affirmations Special Report 2008
Posted Feb 26, 2017
Power Affirmations - 21st Century Magic Spells That Change Reality - 2008 Special Report by Silvia Hartmann, full text.
Project Sanctuary III 1996-2002
Posted Jan 27, 2017
Silvia Hartmann's groundbreaking Project Sanctuary. Third edition 2002, published 2003. Complete text. Project Sanctuary is a unique set of processes using intention, energy and metaphor,...
Project Sanctuary: First Sanctuary with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Mar 12, 2018
Project Sanctuary is easy, and fun. In this straightforward, friendly 14 minute free meditation, GoE President Silvia Hartmann guides you through the process of setting up a "first Sanctuary". Use...
Sex In Sanctuary
Posted Jun 19, 2018
Special Report by Silvia Hartmann for all members to read free in the library, however prior knowledge of SuperMind, Infinite Creativity and Project Sanctuary is advised. Need to read Infinite...
Star Matrix Summit 2020
Posted Feb 18, 2021
We're delighted to make the complete inaugural Star Matrix Summit available to members to enjoy. In this video series, Silvia Hartmann interviews key members on their own personal breakthroughs...
Sunday Live with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Feb 25, 2020
Watch the complete collection of live streams with GoE President Silvia Hartmann including energy exercises and latest news from the GoE.
The Energist - Vol 2014.1.1 - Voyager
Posted Jun 1, 2014
Summer 2014 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2014.1.2 - Conference Special
Posted Oct 1, 2014
Autumn 2014 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2015.2.1 - New Beginnings
Posted Jan 21, 2015
Winter 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2015.2.2 - Project Sanctuary
Posted Apr 9, 2015
Spring 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2015.2.3 - It's OUR Time to Shine
Posted Jul 27, 2015
Summer 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2015.2.4 - Harvesting From The Tree of Lights
Posted Sep 1, 2015
Autumn 2015 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2016.3.1 - Energy EFT Foundation
Posted Mar 19, 2016
Spring 2016 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2017.4.1 - The Best Year Ever!
Posted Feb 1, 2017
Spring 2017 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2017.4.2 - The Energy of Learning
Posted May 26, 2017
Summer 2017 edition of The Energist magazine.
The Energist - Vol 2018.5.1 - The Power of the Positives
Posted Feb 20, 2018
Winter 2018 edition of The Energist magazine. Available to read online on smart phones, tablets and in browsers, plus also the option to download as an Adobe PDF file for printing out at home or...
The Golden Horse & Other Fairy Tales by Silvia Hartmann
Posted Nov 15, 2022
Created by Master Story Teller Silvia Hartmann For Magical Children Aged 9 - 99, The Golden Horse is an anthology of absolutely original, highly creative stories told in traditional fairy tale...
The Grumble Gnome Fairy Tale by Silvia Hartmann
Posted Dec 23, 2022
A great traditional fairy tale to enjoy for the magical child within, or the magical child in your life in Silvia Hartmann's unique energy writing style.
The Orb of Prosperity by Silvia Hartmann
Posted Feb 9, 2022
This Modern Energy Meditation is for anyone who wants to connect with the energy of prosperity, whatever that means to you. Inspired during the Energy Show "The Spirit of Prosperity," here is...
The Real Secret How To Become A Millionaire - Video with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Oct 16, 2018
Do you want to be a millionaire? Check out these amazing Top 5 Tips from GoE president Silvia Hartmann
The Star Matrix Story with Silvia Hartmann
Posted Oct 23, 2019
What is Star Matrix? Where did it come from? Why is Star Matrix so important for the people of the 21st Century? Why do we need to escape the brainwashing of the Trauma Trap? What are Star Events,...
Video Clips From - Modern Energy Foundation 1 - Your Happiness Matters:...
Posted Nov 6, 2018
Video clips from Silvia Hartmann's Modern Energy Foundation online course: Unit 1: Why Your Happiness Matters - An Introduction to Modern Energy These are made available to you to watch...
Zauberwelt by Silvia Hartmann - Auf Deutsch/German Language Edition 2004
Posted Jan 13, 2017
Zauberwelt is an introduction to the magical world of modern energy. In this charming book, Silvia Hartmann explains in simple words and simple examples how different our world looks when we...
Zauberwelt English Language Edition Translated by Silvia Hartmann 2004
Posted Jan 13, 2017
Zauberwelt is an introduction to the magical world of modern energy. In this charming book which has been translated from the original German language edition, Silvia Hartmann explains in simple...
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